ER-2: Strengths and Savoring Exercise

Strengths, Stories, and Savoring: Exercise-Reflection:2

Part-1: Exercise

• Identify your signature strengths by taking the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. 
• The survey is free, and you can find the link here- VIA Strengths Test
• Spend time going through the report generated by the online test site after completing the assessment.
• First- Ponder and reflect on the top 5 strengths- do you agree or not? why or why not? Do they seem to fit well? Are you surprised by any of them? 
• Secondly, think about a particular occasion on which you used it effectively and write down the story of how you did so. Keep in mind this story is less about talents and achievements and more about you at your best.
• What were the circumstances? Who else was involved? How specifically, did you use your strength? What was the outcome?
• Take time right now to write the first part of your blog-post on what happened and the story.
• Then continue with Part-2.

Part-2: Reflection

• As you look over what you wrote, what stands out for you? Are there aspects of this story you had forgotten? Was it awkward for you to write any of it down? Did it seem at all like bragging? 
• It's interesting that many of us have no problem remembering our failures. Our brain just seem to keep reminding us of them over and over. And because in many contexts it is socially acceptable-- and even socially desirable-- to talk about our failures, we may find ourselves frequently sharing with others times when we screwed things up. This focus on failure can affect our self-perception, narrowing our sense of what we are capable of and limiting the activities we undertake. 
• So it's especially important to remember that our lives are also filled with successes-- big and little triumphs resulting from decisions we have made and effective actions we have taken; times when, using our signature strengths, we were able to save the day, help someone in need, or advance an important project. But it's easy to forget these occasions, and when we do talk about them, it can feel like we are tooting out own horns. 
• The tendency to focus more on failure than on success, although natural, is not balanced. And we can restore the balance and be more fair to ourselves by intentionally cultivating green-cape approaches. Making it a point to remember times when you did something right, and taking the time to write about them, can be a very effective way to do so. 
• As you finish Part-2, write down your reflections in the blog-post following the Part-1 results and story. 
• Then continue with Part-3.

Part 3: Share Your Story

• Now share your story with your loved-one (anyone- close friend, family member, or partner). You may ask the other person to also complete the exercise and have their strengths identified along with the story about a particular time when they used one of those strengths successfully. 
• Take turns sharing your stories with each other. When you are the speaker, tell (or read, whichever you prefer) your story to your loved one, but don't say what the strength is that you're describing. When you are the listener, make sure to be attentive to what your loved-one is saying. 
• In many cases, being a good listener is actually a lot harder than being a good speaker. Good listening means not interrupting with your own thoughts or stories, but rather putting aside your idea to pay attention to your friend/family member/partner. It means listening actively, with plenty of interest, eye contact, and nodding. It means listening for the strengths in other person's story. 
• Continue with Part-4 now.

Part 4: Savor It

• When your loved-one has finished his/her story, help them to savor it. A good way to do this is by asking questions that give them a chance to elaborate on different parts of the story.
• You can ask them to share more about how they felt at key times, or what motivated them to respond as how they did.
• Savoring is a very important part of relationships, and yet with our busy lives and out externally imposed modesty, we often don't take the time to celebrate and enjoy deeply the times in the past when we have used our strengths to do the right thing. 
• After helping your loved-one savor the story, tell him/her what strengths you heard in it. 

- The point here is not just to guess the signature strength he/she had in mind. Rather, mention and discuss with them all the strengths you heard, even if they are not listed formally in the VIA classification.

• Finally, in your blog-post, reflect on the Part-3 and Part-4 of this exercise. What was your experience in sharing your stories with each other, how was the strengths-guessing activity, how did you and the other person engage while sharing thoughts about strengths to each other. 
• All together end your blog-post with how your experience was in carrying out this exercise and what were your learning from this activity.

Activity adapted from: Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts by James O. Pawelski and Suzann Pileggi Pawelski